(Jan. 1996 Note from Betty: this is an official version, from the original author.

Please abide by the copyright and usage permission at the bottom)

THE CHOCOLATE RITUAL
Copyright 1993, John Shepard, Performed at Dragonfest, August 1993

Materials required:

On the altar there are brown candles; a Tootsie Roll
(the great big one -as the athame;) a large
glass with milk in it, (the chalice;) A small dish of
Nestlé's Quick and a spoon; a small dish of
chocolate sprinkles; a plate of cupcakes and some
Yoo-Hoo along with a goblet;

CLEANSE THE SACRED SPACE: (Take the small bowl of
chocolate sprinkles)
Chocolate sprinkles where thou art cast No calories in
thy presence last. Let no fat adhere to me,
And as I will
So Mote It BE!

Nestle's Quick where thou art cast Turn this milk to
chocolate, fast. Let all good things come to
me, And make my milk all chocolatey!

CAST THE CIRCLE (using a tootsie roll):

CALL THE QUARTERS:
Mousse of the East, Fluffy one! Great prince of the
palace of dessert. Be present, we pray thee,
And guard this circle from all moochers Approaching
from the East.

Fondue of the South, Molten One! Great prince of the
palace of decadence. Be present we pray
thee, And guard this circle from all diets Approaching
from the south.

Cocoa of the west, Satisfying One! Great prince of the
palace of thirst. Be present we pray thee,
And guard this circle from all carob Approaching from
the West.

Rocky Road of the North, Cold one! Great prince of the
palace of crunchy. Be present we pray
thee, And guard this circle from all cheap imitations
Approaching from the North.

MAIN RITUAL:
HANDMAIDEN (Henceforth known as the Swiss Miss):
Listen to the words of the Mother of Chocolate; who
was of old called; Godiva, Ethel M, Sara
Lee, Nestle, Mrs. See, and by many other names:

HPS: Whenever you have one of those cravings, once in
a while and better it be when your
checkbook is full, then shall you assemble in a great
public place and bring offerings of money to
the spirit of Me, who is Queen of all Goodies. In the
Mall shall you assemble, you who have eaten
all your chocolate and are hungry for more. To you I
shall bring Good Things for your tongue.
And you shall be free from depression, and as a sign
that you are truly free, you shall have
chocolate smears on your cheeks, and you shall munch,
nosh, snack, feast, and make yummy
noises, all in my presence. For mine is the ecstasy of
phenylalanine (FEEN-EL-AL-A-NEEN), and
mine also is Joy on Earth, yea, even into High Orbit,
for my law is "Melts in your mouth, not in
your hand." Keep clean your fingers, carry Wet Ones
always, let none stop you or turn you aside.
For mine is the secret that opens your mouth, and mine
is the taste that puts a smile on your lips
and comfy, padding pounds on your hips. I am the
Gracious Goddess who gives the gift of joy
unto the tummies of men and women. Upon earth, I give
knowledge of all things delicious, and
beyond death........well, I can't do much there. Sorry
about that. I demand only your money in
sacrifice; for behold, chocolate is a business, and
you have to pay for those truffles before you eat
them.

SWISS MISS: Hear now the words of the Goodie Goddess,
she in the dust of whose feet are the
cheap imitations, whose body graces candy racks and
finer stores everywhere: I, who am the
beauty of chocolate chips, and the satisfying softness
of big bars, the mystery of how they get the
filling inside of truffles, and fill the hearts of all
but Philistines with desire, call unto thy soul to
arise and come unto me. For I am the soul of candy;
from me do all confections spring, and unto
me all of you shall return, again.....and
again..........and again..................and again
Before my
smeared face, beloved of Women and Men, thine
innermost divine self shall be enfolded in the
rapture of overdose. Let my taste be within thy mouth
that rejoices. For behold, all acts of
yumminess and pleasure are my rituals. Therefore let
there be gooeyness and mess, crispness and
crackling, big slabs and bite size pieces, peanut
butter and chocolate covered cherries all within
you. And you who think to seek me, know that your
seeking and yearning shall avail you not
unless you know the Mystery; "We will sell no
chocolate until you pay for it." For behold; I have
been with you since you were just a baby, and I am
that which is attained at nearly any shop in the
land. Messed Be.

SWISS MISS: Hear now the words of the Chocolate God,
who was of old called Ghirardelli,
Milton Snavely Hershey, Bosco, Fudgesicle, and by many
other names.

HP: I am the strength of the candy rack, and the piece
that fell on the floor, but looks like it might
not have gotten too dirty, and the deepest bitterness
of dark chocolate. No matter how you try to
resist the call of chocolate, I will hunt you out and
I will become your sacred prey. I am the
warmth of hot cocoa in the dead of winter, and the
call of the road that leads you to that really
expensive Godiva store downtown. I give you, my
creatures, the fire of love of chocolate, the
power of jaw strength to bite off a piece of that
frozen Milky Way bar, and the shelter of Haagen
Daz when that big date didn't work out. You are dear
to me, and I instill in you my power; the
power of a piece of chocolate that you had forgotten
you had hidden, and the power of vision and
magickal sight with which you can spot a candy counter
a mile away. By the powers of the half
melted bar in the glorious sun, I charge you; by the
darkest depths of the bottom of the cocoa pot
and the lingering smell of bittersweet chocolate, I
charge you; and by the beauty of a perfectly
swirled vanilla butter cream, I charge you: Follow
your heart and your instinct, wherever they
lead you. The wealth in your pocket can buy you treats
that a Mayan king would envy. Take joy
in that first bite of lecithin emulsified cocoa, and
in the last satisfying slurp of Yoo-Hoo. Yet you
must be wary of deceit. Eat not of that which is
called "Baking Chocolate," for it is vile and bitter.
Lastly, always remember to leave some chocolate behind
you. Be not greedy, but let yourself be
known as a connoisseur. Leave a little for someone
else. I am with you always, just over your
shoulder, or around the next corner. I am the Lord of
Chocolate, and when you have reached the
end of your hoard, I will never be farther away from
you than that 7-Eleven on the corner. I am
the spirit of the Wild Child; the Inner Child who can
never get quite enough. If you are a true
chocolate lover, then your soul and mine are
intertwined.

CUPCAKES & YOO-HOO: (The blessing of the Yoo-Hoo)
HP: Be it known that milk chocolate is not better than
dark chocolate.
HPS: Nor is dark chocolate better than milk chocolate.

HP: For both are better than the falsely named 'white
chocolate,'
HPS: And neither one is carob.
HP: As the frosting is to the cupcake,
HPS: So the creamy nougat is to the Milky Way Bar.
BOTH: And when they are eaten, they are yummy in
truth, for there is no greater snack in all the
world than one made of chocolate. (The blessing of the cupcakes)

HP: Frosting is keen,
HPS: And the filling is neat.
BOTH: Great Goddess! Let's eat! Feasting and drinking
(chocolate liquer, if possible,) music and
dance. Dismiss Quarters.
HPS: Oh, ye mighty goodies of the ______, We thank you
for attending our rites and guarding
our circle And ere you depart for your sweet and
sticky realms, We say unto you,
"N-E-S-T-L-E-S, Nestles makes the very best."
ALL: "Chooooc-laaate."
(After all quarters have been dismissed, give a final,
satisfying belch at the East.)
Close circle.

copyright August 1993, John L. Shepard. Permission is
given to post anywhere as long as the
content is not altered and this notice is attached.

Paging Dr. Howard, Dr. Fine & Dr. Howard! johnshep@ix.netcom.com
(John Shepard)
Submitted by Uni