The Magical Bully
By Shadow Cat
When you think back to grade school, are your clearest memories of the bullies in your class and their endless and insidious torments? This is probably true of middle school and high school as well. Some things never change, even into adulthood bullies seldom change their ways. Well, I’m here to tell you, the longer we allow the bullying to continue without confronting the behavior, the more it will always continue
Note: for the purpose of this article, I will be using the masculine pronoun "he" in discussing the characteristics of the bully. The archetypal bully is a masculine energy, but of course bullies can be either gender, and even cross-gender.
Bullies in Magical Communities
Those of us who belong to a coven or who are active in magical comminutes no doubt have come in contact with what I call the magical bully. These are the people who, like their forbears on the playground, endlessly brag (about all of their magical affiliations) and (as if anyone really cares) seek to "one up" anyone else who will listen to them. They will feign interest in asking you about your training and how you came to the Craft and the moment you open yourself up they will snicker. Despite the fact that you long ago left the playground behind, the magickal bully almost always leaves you feeling down and out of place.
In general, the magickal bully always has to be heard. He wants the first word and the last, even if he contradicts himself or is simply wrong. Whether he actually knows more than everyone else doesn’t matter, because he is certain he does. Typically, a magical bully sees himself far differently than others actually see him usually as a great benefactor rather than a manipulator. If he is reading this, he will not see that this applies to him.
The magical bully criticizes everyone and everything. His view of life is essentially negative and eventually on one wants to be around him except those individuals who are just like him. The magical bully is an emotional batterer. You can never do anything right: he is here to correct you and make you better as a result.
Ultimately, his goal is to control those closest to him - the magical community he claims to embrace. If you disagree with him, the magical bully will fly into a tirade, perhaps even a rage, until you just shut up and he "wins"
General bully Traits
To help you recognize a magical bully, here are some general traits he typically exhibits.
A master liar, especially when confronted. He often will blame others for any misunderstandings. The magical bully excels at deception and should never be given the benefit of the doubt.
A charmer. But this is the false charm of a "Jekyll and Hyde" quality. He does not show his vicious side publicly whenever possible, but tells his true feelings to a confidant. He employs charm to gain things he wants. It is generally excessive in nature. He is a sycophant.
Glib, verbose, and says a lot about nothing. In the end, his point is often lost in his wordiness, and you leave feeling he’s stuffed your head with a lot of nothing. The bully usually only possesses superficial knowledge, and relies more on hearsay than on actual study.
Illogical and flighty, even contradictory, in his thinking often contradicting himself. Confront him with his contradiction and watch him squirm.
Exceptionally gifted at knowing what someone wants to hear and at presenting convincing arguments.
Irresponsible and not to be relied on. The magical bully is not capable of sustaining intimacy in relationships.
Emotionally immature. He may speak like an adult, but he reacts like a five-year-old. Tantrums are not uncommon.
Deeply prejudiced, exhibiting a hatred of the opposite sex, or different religions and races. Typically, he tries to hide this from the community though it is often very obvious to everyone.
Arrogant and opinionated, yet projects a sense of being untouchable. Rules do not apply to him, though he loves imposing rules on others.
Compulsive and a control freak. He wants to control what you say and do. If you act independently, he will attempt to restrict you and even damage your standing in the community.
Ruthless. He will do anything he can to undermine or destroy the standing of the person who sees through his bravado. He usually does this by unconsciously. Projecting his own character flaws on to this person.
Adept at creating conflict between individuals whom he sees as his enemies.
False in making claims about education, knowledge, expertise, and experience. He lives in a false reality and fabricates his existence to be what he really wishes it could be. The magical bully is a phony, but excels at presenting a believable self to the community. He also appears to truly believe in his fabrications.
Selfish and self-aggrandizing. The magickal bully has only self-preservation in mind at all times. He is not team player.
Callous and insensitive to the needs of others. He will gossip, backstab, and start rumors to discredit others. If confronted, he will deny he said anything.
A lousy and ungenerous giver. He will never volunteer to do anything for the sake of the community. He’ll always be around to "advise," but never to do any sort of work.
Be a magical in dealing with a bully
Does this sound like anyone you know? Bullies cause a great deal of stress wherever they live, work, worship, and play. This stress becomes unhealthy for people who have to deal with them on a daily basis. So, the question is: how should we deal with such a person? Is there anything we can do to protect ourselves?
First and foremost, once you make a determination